Things I Learned Livin' In North Park
1) A skunk is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road and smells pretty bad.
2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and only the garter snake lives here, yet we’re still afraid of it.
3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and about 3 of them live here, they can make us scream like little children and they aren’t even poisonous.
4) Now, let’s talk mosquitoes!!! We have two kinds: the kind that ‘bite’ and itch for a few hours, and the kind that bites and makes you itch off and on for about two weeks (time enough for the wound to scab over and fall off). We warn tourists about the deer flies!
5) North Parkers don’t think Onced" and "Twiced" are words and we make fun of those who do, although we don’t hear ourselves say ‘fer; for ‘for’.
6) It is not a Shopping 'buggy’ it’s a &*^$%# cart with the wheels chipped out or dragging!
7) We’re kind of silly up here, we don't have a lot of public bathrooms, but we'll direct you to the nearest one we know about.
8) People up here don’t know why anyone would actually grow and eat okra. We grow beef and eat beef and imported potatoes are good enough for us, dammit!
9) "I’m getting’ to it” means you have bothered me enough about this and now, it will never get done.
10) We’re flexible up here with the lunch/dinner/supper thing, cause we just want to eat some of our beef.
11) We drink coffee, iced tea without sugar, and beer. We think people who put sugar in their tea are really pushing the whole sweet thing. We figure they would even put sugar on their beef, and that's just as wrong as putting sugar in your tea.
12) We don’t actually do this, but we do SAY that people should mind their own business.
13) Unless you are a growing teen-aged boy, you usually won't be invited to dinner if you happen to drop in at meal time. We've only made enough beef for ourselves. Cookouts are different!
14) We don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is.. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see...
15) We’ll push, click and then punch (mostly punch) those buttons, it makes 'em work better.
16) Up here, we measure distance in minutes cause, even though we know we’re lucky to live in NORTH PARK, we still want to know how long it will take to get outta town.
17) We'll switch from heat to A/C in the same day (about 45º) and the kids will start wearing a tank top, flip flops and shorts with leggings.
18) Our kids go to county fairs and 4-H events and the National Stock Show, we don’t brag about going to ‘festivals’, although we do go.
19) We'll nearly start crying when talking about it, but we all know what "thatsombitchisaga'dammedgooddawg" is.
20) We carry jumper cables , tow ropes, and shovels in our cars and trucks– so we can jump start, dig out or pull somebody else and brag about it later.
21) We only own a handful of spices: salt, pepper, chili powder, Tabasco , and ketchup, cause that’s all you need to flavor your beef and beef tacos.
22) The local paper covers national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and local football...
23) NPers think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday for all the tourists in camo we get up here.
24) Anything over 55º degrees "is considered a bit warm."
25) We know all four seasons: Almost summer (February), a little bit of summer (June), still summer (July), and Christmas.
26) Going to Walmart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin to Wally World."
27) You describe the first cool snap (below 0º) as good chili weather...
28) The other white meat is chicken, since every other meat tastes like chicken that's all that's necessary, except beef.
29) We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. We learned to drive when we were old enough to sit in the spokes of the steering wheel whilst out taking a drive in the country with our parents when we were 1 ½ years old. (we take the vehicle out by ourselves when we are about 5).
30) You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends and those who just wish they were from NORTH PARK !!!!
